Posted by Codejoy Sat, 24 Jan 2009 02:41:00 GMT
I have had a whirlwind of a past few months, I won't detail the specifics but suffice to say I think I have things under control. I found out I suffer a great deal from anxiety (hey so does Donny Osmond and Scarlett Johanson). I cannot pinpoint how long I have had this. I know its gotten more severe over the years, but I can guess that I had this since the 5th grade at least. How do I know?
I went to Illinois to visit family my 5th grade year (I was what about 11?), it was a nice trip back east and it was during the summer. We made the usual rounds to family members and visited one uncle in particular. He happened to live in some small little town somewhere in Illinois..the visit was nice, though this was summer and a storm rolled in....
We are all standing out there, the clouds aren't looking good and we hear on the news there is a tornado warning for that county where that town is. The thing is, this town is little and has no storm shelters on the house we were in. I and my cousin start to freak out and my grandma, 80+ at the time I think, was tired and just decided during this crisis she will take a nap on the couch. Makes me chuckle now.
Anyway, after that trip when I got back to New Mexico, for over a year I was obsessed with the weather. It is well known in the late summers here we get some wicked thunderstorms and every time we had one I would freak out. In fact I realize my sixth grade year just starring out the school bus at the clouds, fretting about the weather, hoping it wouldn't bring something akin to a tornado. The worse part is, the worry would be in the back of my head playing or doing whatever. Its odd to me that to this day I can remember the exact feelings of worries i had, what I was thinking, concerned about and this many years ago, like 19 or so. Jeez.
Mental issues are difficult to deal with, it depends on the issue, the person, the context, the environment and you will really never know what its like unless its you. Anxiety is particularly horrible, cause the worries are perfectly logical to us, but totally unlogical and absurd to an outside observer
It was quite a while I fretted about the tornadoes and weather, but it finally just went away, and now the silver lining is, I chase storms, or want to...I love them. So I am at a new place, and hopefully better equipped now to control this rather vicious little issue that really degrades ones quality of life...time will tell, sooner or later time will tell.